Therapist Nicholas Purcell Urges Some Couples to Leave Marriages, Warning Exit Can Be Most Dangerous
Updated
Updated · The Guardian · Aug 30
Therapist Nicholas Purcell Urges Some Couples to Leave Marriages, Warning Exit Can Be Most Dangerous
2 articles · Updated · The Guardian · Aug 30
Summary
Purcell says he sometimes advises ending a marriage when one partner is abusive or controlling, arguing the relationship itself becomes the source of harm rather than a bond with fixable problems.
Three patterns shape his approach: neglected marriages that can revive, "sour soil" marriages marked by entrenched contempt that may still be repairable, and "severed root" marriages where one person’s diminishment sustains the union.
In those abusive cases, he says couples therapy can mislabel violence as shared relationship issues, keeping victims in danger while they try to communicate better.
Leaving, he warns, is not automatically safe because the period around separation is often when controlling partners become most dangerous, making safety plans and domestic-violence support essential.
Purcell illustrates the point with a fictionalized case in which a woman left an escalating abuser and survived, underscoring his conclusion that some relationships must be left.